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Sobre el miedo a amar

Es innegable, la mayoría de los seres humanos hemos sufrido alguna vez por amor, ya sea por no ser correspondidos en el sentimiento, por haber elegido a la persona equivocada, por haber perdido a ese alguien especial o simplemente porque el sueño edificado nunca se cumplió.

Somos hipersensibles ante este enigmático tema: AMAR especialmente después de alguna decepción amorosa o de experiencias afectivas que resultaron más difíciles de lo esperable.

Para muchos y muchas la idea de volver a amar les produce un verdadero retorcijón de estomago, una enorme dualidad entre el deseo de disfrutar de los placeres y la compañía de un otro y el temor del efecto que ese otro pueda llegar a tener en nuestras vidas.

Ello puesto que, en nuestras relaciones afectivas y eróticas, se pone en juego nuestro espacio personal, nuestra libertad, nuestra confianza, nuestra salud y responsabilidad. Es decir, nuestra habilidad para conectarnos y separarnos del otro sanamente. ¿Pero qué sucede si no hemos madurado emocionalmente lo suficiente para sentir y confiar en que nuestras relaciones son fuentes de bienestar y placer y no de opresión o manipulación? Que terminaremos viviendo la cercanía con agobio y la lejanía con ansiedad, es decir, con miedo a:

1-       Que nuestra pareja termine anulando nuestra vida, nuestra personalidad, nuestros deseos o nuestra voluntad, ya sea por una demanda impuesta por ésta o por nosotros mismos. Temor que nos conduce a evitar a toda costa el comprometernos íntimamente con alguien.

2-      Que sin una pareja nuestra vida carezca de sentido, nos angustiemos y critiquemos.Temor que nos conduce a una desenfrenada búsqueda de aprecio y cariño, incluso a costa de nosotros mismos.

¿Cómo trabajar para dejar esos miedos atrás?

Para amar sin temor  tenemos que cuestionarnos si nos implicamos en las relaciones desde un individualismo-libertad radical y/o desde un excesivo altruismo-sometimientoy darnos cuenta que ni lo uno ni lo otro nos asegurará la paz, la seguridad y el bienestar que tanto anhelamos de vivir en pareja.

Aprender, por una parte, a disfrutar la soledad y del placer que nos puede proveer el estar encontacto con nuestro interior, nuestros deseos y nuestra individualidad. Y por otra, aprender a compartirdar, recibir y disfrutar de la fusión emocional, física y espiritual con el otro.

El gran desafío, para disfrutar de la experiencia amatoria y sexual, es el que cada uno de nosotros logre equilibrar nuestras necesidades de autonomía y de dependencia,  arriesgarnos a ser uno con otro sin olvidar que pese a la enorme conexión que podamos llegar a establecer no dejaremos de ser dos distintos y por sobre todo disfrutar de la compañía y como de los espacios de autonomía y soledad.

 

Comentarios

Constanza del Rosario
Acerca de Constanza del Rosario (240 artículos)
Psicóloga especialista en relaciones de pareja y sexualidad. Yogadicta. Me contactan en: constanzadelrosario@gmail.com

349 comentarios en Sobre el miedo a amar

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